Why I Decided to Stop Falling Asleep
Photo by Andalucía Andaluía on Unsplash
Words have power.
The words you use - especially those you repeat to yourself in your head - shape how you experience and feel about your life.
Have you ever read a quote and had one of those moments where you just had to pause and let it all sink in? That’s the power of words.
When you think about your daily life, the words that run through your head aren’t just ways of describing your reflections and plans. They are CREATING what you experience.
“Ugh, it’s MONDAY again” sets you up for a very long and tedious day. (Been there, said that.) “I woke up again to experience another day” sets the tone for a day of curiosity and gratitude.
Same day, different words, different perspective, different experiences.
***
I had an experience recently that really drove home the power of this practice. If you sleep, it’s a practice you can relate to. Hopefully, this little word-play helps you as well.
I’ve often thought of myself as a night-owl. I get a burst of energy in the evening that can leave me awake until after midnight. Sometimes, those late-night hours are productive … sometimes, they are filled with episodes of my current Netflix obsession.
As I’ve gotten older (or perhaps more accurately, as I’ve gotten used to getting up by 6 a.m. to get the kids ready and on the bus), I’ve become more accustomed to mornings. When I started my Walk365ish project, many of my walks started happening in the mornings … which also contributed to a more energetic start to the day.
The problem was that I was still pulling night-owl hours. Going to bed around midnight, waking at 6 a.m., then needing a nap around 1 p.m. became my daily routine for quite awhile.
Now I’m not knocking naps by any means, but this type of schedule just wasn’t working well for me. I felt fatigued a lot of the time, guilty that so many hours of my evening usually involved t.v. and/or drinking and/or snacking (when my willpower was low), and out of synch with a life I wanted to be living.
When I ran across a few articles stressing the importance of adequate amounts of sleep in life (and how sleep can influence health and well-being), it was the tipping point to try something new. It was time for a bit of creative change.
I’d certainly tried other ways of adjusting my sleep schedule before, but forcing myself to try to go to bed earlier just led to many hours of staring at the ceiling in frustration.
One night, as I was trying to will myself into a slumber, the following words popped into my mind:
I don’t want to fall asleep.
I want to enter into sleep.
*Bam* My perspective - and thus my practice - started changing.
Falling asleep was like tripping into sleep each night. I’d run full force until I couldn’t run any more and then stumble into bed. I’d let myself keep running mental loops of what could be done with those hours I was awake, thinking that sleep was just a secondary step after I got those things done.
Entering into sleep is a conscious journey. It requires attention and invites desire. It isn’t a secondary step or an afterthought, it is a choice, each evening, to begin a practice that leads into a restful night.
For me, falling asleep looked like this:
Grabbing a drink (alcoholic or otherwise) after I'd reminded the kids 4 times to shower and 5 times to brush their teeth. Sitting down in front of the laptop to write, edit photos, or, more commonly, start a show. Starting to feel tired around 8:30 p.m., but knowing I'd get a second burst of energy ... so waiting until 9:30 until my husband got home from work. Quick hellos, back to alternating television shows / drinks until I noticed myself tired enough that I was unable to stay focused on what I was doing ... at which point, I crashed into bed. This usually happened around 11:30 p.m., and was followed by a morning of regret and cursing.
Entering into sleep has looked like this:
Before dinner, I take care of any energy-inducing tasks that need done (anything that will get my mind whirring). I purposefully have a large stack of library books on-hand that entice me away from Netflix shows post-dinner. (Or, as an alternative, lead me to documentaries or Ted Talks that put my mind in a happily contemplative state.) I've made the conscious decision that morning if I'm going to drink alcohol or not that night (usually not now, as I tend to forget my good intentions after a few), and grab my drink of choice while reading. Around 8:30 p.m., as I start to feel that first wave of fatigue, I check in on the kids then head to my bedroom. I finish reading, turn down lights, snuggle in, then start a guided sleep-meditation (body scan, yoga nidra, or just music) for 30-45 minutes. (I look forward to these, so they give me the same positive rush as another Netflix show would.) By the end, I'm relaxed enough to drift into sleep. I wake the next morning (albeit still tired - I haven't magically switched into a morning person!) with far more pep-in-my-step, zero regrets (and deep gratitude) about the night before, and more physical and mental energy throughout the day.
Just like the Walk365ish journey, this is a practice. It means that I don’t enter into sleep every single night. We recently visited with family and ended up staying late into the night - a time where I certainly fell into sleep that I don’t regret a bit.
Nor do I have plans to make every single night one of entering into sleep. Every now and then, I plan on staying up late, enjoying a date night with my husband, a binge-session on Netflix, or a trip home from an event tournament with my kids. Those nights, I’ll happily stumble into bed (and maybe a nap the next day).
But the way I’ve felt because of entering into sleep has me enthralled and committed to this practice.
And it all started with a simple play with words.