Highlights From Sophia’s Conversation

Tell me about your youth. Where did you grow up, and what lessons do you remember being taught that influenced your life?

I grew up in Fishers, Indiana. I grew up in a divorced household. My dad lived in Indy. My mom lived in Fishers. I went to school in Fishers. When my parents divorced when I was five, it was a pretty hard time. I wasn't really in a permanent home until I was like seven or eight because we couldn't decide custody issues and all that stuff. So I didn't have my own room. I didn't have my own space. I didn't really have my own anything because me and my sisters were sharing everything. We were trying to figure out where my stuff was going, where my dog was going.

That was a super really hard time for me, especially going into elementary school. Having to deal with that perfectionist mentality where - if I couldn't stay at home and have that stability at home, I wanted to have that stability at school. I think that's where it branched out into that perfectionist idea, that idea that I have to succeed at something so that way I can have that stability and control. 

But I had a fourth grade teacher who would pull me aside and she'd be like, I think you're a perfectionist. I think you need to fail more so that way you feel more comfortable with failing. I truly believe that if I didn't get that pep talk from Ms. McLean when I was in fourth grade, I wouldn't be teaching group exercise classes now. I wouldn't be going to these motivational talks. I wouldn't be putting myself out there. I probably would have just been still stuck in that bubble.

When my parents got divorced, I moved into a different home and I ended up babysitting the people next door. The people next door were very religious. Their kids said the meanest things about my parents being divorced and how I was going to hell. And I was like, I'm never babysitting again. 

What societal or cultural expectations do you feel challenged by in your current life? What are the “shoulds” you feel in daily life?

I guess like for societal expectations, I think those are mainly molded by the people you are around a lot of the time. Like, I feel like if you were to ask me and I'm sitting in my sorority house, it'd be a very different story than if I was sitting back at home with my family.

I think the biggest societal barrier that I've been frustrated with is what women run into -  that idea that what they look like should determine what they do or what success they have. And that is extremely, extremely frustrating. 

I'm an ordinarily tall female. I'm 6'2", but I feel like I can't wear heels in public. It's more like, oh, I want to just shrink. I want to feel smaller. 

I don't think people should be defined by what they look like. I think they should be defined by their passions and what they're striving to become.

I don't feel like society should prevent me from doing anything.

If you could immediately release yourself from three shoulds in your life without any negative consequences, what would those be?

I guess the expectation that I have to go to school for eight to nine hours of my day and waste that time. Even though I do see the value in college, I don't see why you should have to go to college to feel like you're successful. 

I think it's really difficult to be the example at all times and being an older sibling. I shouldn't be the example of what my younger siblings should do because they are completely different than I am.  I shouldn't have to be the example every single time.

That you should be in a relationship by the time you're 30. I feel like that's a very prevalent thing. And the fact that, especially with the emergence of social media and boyfriend day and girlfriend day and significant other day and Valentine's day, it just makes you feel like crap when you are single. And it shouldn't. I shouldn't have to prove why I'm single. I should not have to freaking justify why I'm okay with being single.  I feel like it is a very big thing that a woman shouldn't need someone or something to help them.

What practices have you done in your past and what practices are you doing now that have helped you to become more aware of the expectations and should that exist for you?

I became very aware of the looks thing from modeling. You throw yourself in the deep end when you go into modeling. I think that is one giant reason I never signed with a company was I don't need someone to tell me what I look like…Where I found success was through meeting photographers, and hearing them say, I'm so glad you're not signed with a company, because they would have changed what you look like. And I think you look great authentic.

I have met more genuine people, more creative people, who don't go to agencies, because they don't want that cookie cutter idea of what a person should look like. especially in the modeling industry, you're now competing with AI. I know that AI could never recreate my hair. They couldn't recreate a lot of the personality or the poses that I'm creating, because that's so human. It's so imperfect in the best way. 

Because you're the product, I feel like my product should be genuine. My product should be raw.

And you're like, oh my gosh, do I look like that? Because they don't have mirrors in the back of the room. So you don't know what you look like at all. You just are seeing what your friends are doing. And the longer you do that, the more I was like, who cares what I look like? These people are smiling and they're having fun. And they're enjoying themselves. .. if they're having fun, then I should have fun too. And that's when I kind of just let it all go.

If you imagine a life where you were living with complete support, not just for who you are but for the exploration of who you are and who you are becoming, what does that look like and what does that feel like?

My cage I need to break out of was never society, it was more my brain. I feel like I would be much happier if I didn't have those limitations and expectations in my mind that I have to meet a certain expectation. There's so many questions in your head that aren't necessarily put on you by society, but put on you by yourself from observing the successes of others. While you're so happy for them, you're also so sad inside because I'm seeing these wonderful people do wonderful things. Why can't I do that? And why didn't I think of that kind of thing?

I wish I had that Inside Out brain where I could just be like, I'm just listening to Joy right now. I'm just listening to Sadness right now. And then Sadness is gonna go take a nap while I just go have fun. 

Is there anything else that you want to impart from your life wisdom to those struggling with the weight of shoulds and attempts to be freely and authentically themselves?

I would hope you would learn the lesson that it's okay to fail and it's okay to not meet the expectations of others. And you should do the things that make you happy and make you passionate, make you excited. You should never have to change yourself to be someone you're not.

Bonus Questions

What song or songs do you listen to that make you feel powerful and free?

My hype song was Where the Hell My Phone by Lizzo. And then my favorite song was Rich Baby Daddy. I went to Lollapalooza and I went to Red Hot Chili Peppers and I was obsessed with Red Hot Chili Peppers. And now I'm into Indie. I'm just all over the place.

Describe an outfit that would make you feel all the ways you want to feel

I want to live in New York so badly because I want to have creative freedom with my outfits.

And I love to wear streetwear.

I want to wear red bottom heels. And then I want to have like the biggest sunglasses on and feel like Audrey Hepburn. I want to just walk through downtown and just be a boss. That's what I want to be like.

(If you have one) What is a favorite quote of yours?

Tough people last forever. Tough times are temporary.

Random Notable Quotes

• I feel like societal expectations are perceived very differently.. Whether you're talking occupations, religion, careers, like it's just, for me, I feel like there's a different barrier everywhere I go. 
  

• I needed that someone to tell me, hey, your height's a great thing. And then that was  where I started to push that societal norm where I should be able to feel confident in my own skin. I should be able to sit up tall. I should be able to wear heels when I want to because it's not me trying to make other people comfortable. I should feel comfortable. 

• I know more about myself than you ever will. So why should I have to prove who I am to someone else? Because I know who I am.
  

• What makes you who you are is your insecurities and your strengths.

• You are your own brand. You are your own person. You can't be replicated. You basically have your own patent on yourself. Nobody can be you. So why be someone else?